Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?

Yesterday, I was standing somewhere waiting for a ride, and I started making a list in my head. A list of comic book movie wishes. Like, if I could make a list of comic book movie-related wishes, and they could all come true, what would they be? I'd ask for a Nolan Batman movie with the Riddler in it. Maybe a Fantastic Four reboot (and quick). Possibly an Ed Solomon-scripted Men in Black sequel. Above all, I'd definitely want another live action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, the exact style of the first movie, that maybe more directly adapts the early seasons of the original animated series.

But the first wish that popped into my head, and was the thought that prompted the list to begin with, was that I wished there would be a direct Bryan Singer-directed sequel to 2006's Superman Returns. I don't think anyone anticipated a movie like this as the culmination of two decades of false starts and aborted attempts to bring Superman back to the big screen. Some people didn't like it, and they all had their own different issues with it. I was thrown by it, but only because it seemed like it was setting something up that we wouldn't get to until its hypothetical sequel(s). I'd had a similar reaction to Singer's X-Men, which he then followed up with the really awesome X2. So I wasn't too worried about it, and I actually like Superman Returns a lot. In the past year or so, there have been numerous worrisome rumors about Singer possibly not getting to do his follow-up (announced in early 2006 and referred to tentatively as "The Man of Steel"). The shooting date kept getting pushed back while Singer worked on other movies. In October 2007, his two writers actually left the project. And since then, there have been more rumblings that the franchise might get rebooted. The talk would never get too far, but it always troubled me that I never heard any quotes from Singer himself about what was happening. Last month, Warners supposedly started taking pitches from new writers for the Superman sequel. As far as anyone knew, this didn't mean Singer was necessarily losing the franchise, and Brandon Routh was still the official Superman.

Today we got confirmation from Warner Brothers that Superman is getting rebooted. Studio exec Jeff Robinov gave a whole quote explaining about how they're going to do like Marvel and introduce solo movies for each DC hero with the eventual intent of putting them all together in a Justice League movie, and that all the heroes will be dark and brooding like The Dark Knight. He elaborated, proving even further that he had no idea what he was talking about.

This really hurts me. I was emotionally invested in Superman Returns, and it looks like I'm never going to find out where it was going. I want to hear from Bryan Singer already. Why the fuck is Man of Steel dead?

Cheers,
Diego

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Bullshit.

Earlier this week, WB Entertainment President & COO Alan Horn announced that they were changing the release date of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince from November 21, 2008 to July 17, 2009. He said it's mainly because a lot of other movies had WGA strike-related complications and they needed something like Harry Potter to pick up the slack come blockbuster season.

At the exact same time, Issue #1007/1008 of Entertainment Weekly hit the stands. It was a Fall Movie Preview double issue, and the cover was a picture of Harry Potter's face.

This kinda sucks for the Entertainment Weekly peeps, who pride themselves on having their collective finger consistently on the pulse. Especially because it's a double issue, so it'll be on racks and shelves everywhere for two whole weeks before they can put out another one. But if you ask me, this was no accident. Warner Brothers knew Harry Potter was gonna be the cover story of Entertainment Weekly. I bet they purposely waited to make the announcement so they could still get that fortnight of face time on newsstands.

Tricky, fellas. But not tricky enough.

Incidentally, I kinda preferred the idea of a Harry Potter movie coming out in the fall. Just, aesthetically, it seemed to make more sense. Now we gotta see it in the summer. And wait an extra eight months for the privilege. WB spun this by pointing out that it'll shorten the wait between Half-Blood Prince and the next Harry Potter movie. In other words, we should go fuck ourselves.

Cheers,
Diego

R.I.P. Bennigan's (1976-2008)

Bennigan's is dead. Or is it?

Everyone knows Bennigan's Grill & Tavern. Or, uh, Bennigan's Restaurant. Whatever it is, everyone knows it. And apparently, it sucked. I just read a little bit about how in the 90's, they started cutting costs by bringing in frozen products, low quality meat, and other garbage. For some reason, Mr. Bennigan, or whoever the hell was in charge of things, just didn't know how to run a good restaurant. But it was something you could rely on. "Where can we go for dinner?" "Bennigan's." "God no."

On July 29, 2008, Bennigan's owner S&A Restaurant Corporation filed for bankruptcy and Bennigan's officially became defunct (along with some other chain called Steak and Ale). Overnight, they closed their doors forever. It seemed like our world might never be the same. "Where can we go for dinner?" "Bennigan's." "Doesn't exist anymore." Man. But then I found out something else. Roughly half of all Bennigan'ses in the country were franchises, and thus, were not affected by the company's bankruptcy. All franchise Bennigan's locations remain open! This does me no good, because there aren't any Bennigan's locations around here (ironically, there used to be one, but I think it closed sometime last year just for sucking). And if there were, I wouldn't know, because the Bennigan's website is now a dead link. But maybe you, dear reader, out there in some other state (or any of its international locations)-- you may have a Bennigan's near you that is still in operation. Go there and choke down some of their disgusting low-grade meat. Celebrate the rogue slophouse that will not die.

Wait a minute. Steak and Ale. I REMEMBER THAT PLACE. I definitely went there once when my brother and I were in elementary school. The walls were stone, like a castle. Man, that brings back memories. And now it's gone forever?!

R.I.P. Steak and Ale (1966-2008)

Cheers,
Diego

Thinking About Batman.

With The Dark Knight coming up, I was in the mood to watch the first four Batman movies, but I don't have any of them. I wanted to find out how much it would cost to buy them, so I looked up "Batman: The Motion Picture Anthology 1989-1997." This is a box set with 2-disc special editions of all four Batman movies (it would be stupid to try to buy any of them without getting the cool extras). But this box set is like, already out of print. It only came out in 2005, to promote Batman Begins. And now if I want to get it, I have to meet whatever price I can get for a used copy. That's so not Raven.

I found it a lot easier to enjoy these movies after Batman Begins came out. Before then, there was no live action Batman that really encompassed everything cool about Batman in a solid way. They all had good things about them. Even the two Schumacher ones (mostly Batman Forever). But they were always frustrating because they all had flaws, and there was no better live action Batman alternatives. Batman Begins changed everything, and I can now appreciate Batman, Batman Returns, Batman Forever, and Batman & Robin for all their strengths, without forcing them to shoulder the burden of "representing Batman correctly."

The Schumacher movies are cool and interesting. But they are not proper Batman movies. They're outrageous, shiny, and gay. I don't mean that in a bad way. I just mean that one day, I watched them and I realized, this guy put in a lot of homosexual overtones, in both the heroes and the villains. The recurring imagery of sculpted rubber asses and nipples. The way Batman and Robin go on about being partners. The way Riddler and Two-Face flamboyantly mince around in costume jewelry. This interpretation is not necessarily crazy or wrong. It completely fits the style of the movie. But I can't ignore the fact that Joel Schumacher himself is gay. I have to believe that had something to do with the fact that he made a movie where everyone is a little gay. If Schumacher weren't gay, I don't know if I would've thought about it so much. It's an interesting discussion point.

The biggest atrocity the Schumacher movies commit is ruining five good Batman villains. The Riddler is a self-sabotaging genius. Two-Face is a tragic former friend of Batman, whose deformity leaves him a cold slave to chance. In the movie, they're both just hyper clowns. But they are both slightly redeemed by the brilliant actors portraying them, making them still be funny in a world that is otherwise without subtlety. Mr. Freeze is another cold, tragic figure. In the animated series, his backstory made you care for him, despite every horrible act he committed. And Poison Ivy is an inhuman monster who controls people with her sexuality. In the movie, they are both just gimmicky pun factories. And Bane, who, in the comics, was so formidable a foe that he actually broke Batman's back, is reduced to a grunting henchman. It's like they scrounged up a few minutes extra screen time and decided to assassinate another priceless comic book legacy while they were at it. They also turned Batgirl into a complete joke.

But in the end, it's good that these movies exist. Partly because their shittiness prompted the uproar that led to the faithful Batman Begins. But mainly because Batman is a character that has lived through the ages in countless thankfully unique interpretations. And every incarnation of the character is a part of who "Batman" is. Batman is the sum of every comic book, movie, and breakfast cereal boxtop about him.

Even that piece of shit indie movie where some guy captures Batman, then rapes and kills him. That's a part!

Cheers,
Diego

Will Smith Movies.

I am going to see Hancock tomorrow. I've been looking forward to this movie for probably over a year, since it was just a vague premise under its original title, "Tonight, He Comes." I've also been thinking about Will Smith movies in general. In the early stages of his career, I considered him infallible. This changed after a few missteps (which, like his successes, were colossal). But it's been mostly good, which is impressive, considering he has starred in AT LEAST one movie per year since 1995.

I decided to look through his filmography and catalogue his Top Best and Top Worst movies, in my opinion. In my opinion, here they are, in fun countdown order:

THE TOP FOUR BEST WILL SMITH MOVIES

4. The Pursuit of Happyness (2006) -- One of my favorite movies of that year. Smith is wonderful in this inspiring adaptation of a true story.
3. Enemy of the State (1998) -- I don't remember too many specifics about this movie, but I remember it being an impressive thriller with a lot of good stuff in it.
2. Independence Day (1996) -- One of my favorite action movies of all time. Amazing cast, awesome action, and a marriage of script and performance that never gets old.
1. Men in Black (1997) -- One of the best overall movies of all time, hands down. A script so well-written and perfectly performed. I don't expect Big Will will ever top this. But I enjoy seeing him try.

Honorable Mentions: I, Robot (2004), and I Am Legend (2007).

THE TOP FOUR WORST WILL SMITH MOVIES

4. The Legend of Bagger Vance (2000) -- I never actually saw this movie, but I was on a plane once (either going to or coming from France) and this was up on the little TVs without volume. It looked kinda boring. Consider this entry a testament to how few bad movies Smith has actually made.
3. Shark Tale (2004) -- I didn't see this either, but I think I saw a part of it once. It doesn't stink because of anyone in it; it's just another one of those generic bullshit DreamWorks CGI projects with a ginormous cast (and nothing else of interest).
2. Wild Wild West (1999) -- This was the definitive moment when I realized Will Smith was, indeed, not infallible. This movie, from Men in Black director Barry Sonnenfeld, was one of the biggest wastes of money and talent the world has ever seen. I challenged myself to think of one thing about it I liked. I could only come up with the train full of gadgets that I think there was. And the Will Smith music video.
1. Men in Black II (2002) -- I actually couldn't decide which was worse; Wild Wild West or this, also from the frighteningly incapable Barry Sonnenfeld. I decided this was worse, not just because of how bad it is, but because it destroyed one of the most promising franchises of all time. The one thing I liked about it was the brief moment where Will Smith and Biz Markie speak in an alien beatbox language. And the Will Smith music video.

I've been avoiding the big spoilery trailer for Hancock. I've heard the audio for it a few times, but avoided the video every time. Despite this, I've still picked up a few peripheral images here and there. Finally, tomorrow, I can be staring at the screen when the entire story is flashed before my eyes. I just hope it's good. This time, they don't have a music video.

Cheers,
Diego

Cell Phones While Driving.

Today was the first day of the new law in California: All drivers have been prohibited from using the phone while driving. However, if you're 18 and over, you're allowed to use a hands-free device. I think this kinda defeats the purpose of the law. People are all gonna be fumbling with their new headsets and we're gonna see a spike in traffic accidents. And after a while, all the morons yakking on their cell phones will essentially be driving around in stealth mode and the rest of us will be unable to see the phones and maneuver around them with caution.

Here's the real problem: It's not the act of holding the phone with your hands that is causing accidents. It's the act of engaging someone in conversation that slows your concentration and reaction time. Phone conversations are actually more dangerous on the road than drunk drivers, and several studies have proven that hands-free devices do NOTHING to change that (not that we need studies to tell us what common sense should already have covered). They should just outlaw cell phones while driving altogether. We got along on the road for 100 years just fine without them.

Cheers,
Diego

Bizarre Human Behavior.

I was at Subways and the girl making my sandwich went to cut it in half. She cut it really fast, tossed the knife aside, then stopped. She examined the cut, pulling the bread slightly apart, and realized she hadn't cut it all the way. Then she thought about it, continued wrapping it, and put it in a bag.

I could not explain her train of thought.

Cheers,
Diego