Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Goo Goo Dolls.

I've been waiting a long time for the Goo Goo Dolls to put out a greatest hits album. To the point that I started compiling my own list of Goo Goo Dolls singles, so I could just make my own, since they weren't going to. But then last November, they finally came out with "Greatest Hits Volume One: The Singles," which I immediately purchased. It contains all my favorite Goo Goo Dolls songs, and some others I'd never heard before. However, my absolute favorite Goo Goo Dolls song, "Name," is not there. In its place is a new version of it, recorded especially for this album. I didn't immediately get pissed off at this, because I remember Collective Soul had a new version of "She Said" in their greatest hits album, and it wasn't bad. It was actually almost identical. But this new version of "Name," I've since discovered, is kinda shitty. It's cool to hear it played differently, but it's horrifying to own the greatest hits album of a band that includes all their best songs, except for your very favorite one. Couldn't they have just stuck the classic version at the very end or something, like a bonus track? Or maybe have this new shit version be the bonus track. This is like having sex with a woman, and it's a perfectly wonderful session of crazy hot monkey sex, then right as I'm about to have an orgasm, she says, "hold on a second," and gives me a nice backrub. Thanks for the backrub; I appreciate it. But truth be told, I was hoping to achieve ejaculation.


Friday, January 25, 2008

Movie News.

So I was looking through my daily movie news sites, and I saw the following headline:

Alba on Sin City 2 and Fantastic Four 3

These guys got a quote from Jessica Alba, most likely during press for The Eye, regarding her involvement in the upcoming comic book movies Sin City 2 and Fantastic Four 3. There's also a sub-headline regarding a possible Dark Angel movie. Great! Here's the article, from comingsoon.net/superherohype.com:

Soon to be hot mom Jessica Alba talked to ComingSoon.net/Superhero Hype! on Wednesday about her upcoming films while promoting her new thriller, The Eye.

CS/SHH!: What can you tell us about your character in "Sin City 2"?
Jessica Alba:
I haven't read a script. I don't know anything about it. Robert (Rodriguez) and Frank (Miller) haven't talked to me about it at all.

CS/SHH!: How long until we get "Fantastic Four 3"?
I have no idea. I know the writers strike and the impending actors strike has kind of put a wrench in everything production wise. That film takes a lot of prep, a good six months of prep and about six months to shoot. With the strike, I think, maybe it's put on hold.

CS/SHH!: Any thought into making "Dark Angel" into a film?
We've talked about it, I want to work with Jim so I would pretty much do anything he wants to do.

CS/SHH!: In the "Fantastic Four" comics your character becomes a mother. Would you like to see that in the film?
Little Franklin? Yeah, I think that would be hilarious. He's so powerful, I think that would be a really interesting dynamic a mother-child dynamic. She's still a superhero but she's super protective and he's wild, he can do anything and has no sense of what's appropriate, that would be really fun.

The Eye opens in theaters on February 1.

So, apparently Jessica Alba not knowing anything about anything is newsworthy. This website is like a friend who tells you every thought that runs through their head. "I think I'm hungry, but I don't know yet." That's great. Did I need that info?


Monday, January 21, 2008


I had a really good calendar last year. It was the 2007 Künstler Civil War Calendar. It listed significant dates that related to the American Civil War, with Civil War paintings by Mort Künstler, accompanied by commentary that discussed what was being depicted in the pictures. This year, I went to the seasonal calendar store in the Glendale Galleria, looking for a 2008 edition, but I didn't find it. What I did find was an almost identical-looking one called the 2008 Künstler Legends in Gray Calendar. It was light gray instead of blue, and the entire thing was themed for the Confederacy. Why would Mort Künstler make such a drastic change in 2008? I am of course opposed to the Confederacy, so I didn't buy it. Instead, I bought a calendar that had facts about American presidents. But, judging by the back cover, this president one wasn't nearly as nice-looking as a Künstler calendar. So, without even opening it, I went back and exchanged it for the Legends in Gray calendar.

Later on, I looked on the Internet and discovered that there was indeed a 2008 Künstler Civil War Calendar. But it wasn't at any of the stores I went to this entire month. So, as of right now, I am stuck with a Confederate calendar for the rest of the year. Why don't I just buy the one I want? Because I refuse to pay full price online when all the stores are offering such attractive discounts. Am I condemned to not enjoy the rest of the year? What have I done?


Tuesday, January 8, 2008


Last night I went to see The Great Debaters, which was very good. It was directed by Denzel Washington. There was a kid in it who plays the son of Forest Whitaker. He is part of a debate team coached by Denzel Washington, and the influence of these two men mold him into a... well, a great debater. At the end credits, I saw the name of the actor who played this kid.

Denzel Whitaker.

What? Oh, fuck off! That's his real name? He is supposedly not related to either of them. What's weird though is that this kid looks EXACTLY like Forest Whitaker, and acts with the intensity of Denzel Washington. I think what happened is they took the DNA of Denzel Washington and Forest Whitaker and combined it to make their exact genetic hybrid (and then just invented him a backstory with fake parents). Denzel Whitaker is therefore the greatest actor that has ever walked the earth. To date.


Saturday, January 5, 2008

Survivor: Micronesia - Fans vs. Favorites

So the other day I composed a list of the top twenty castaways I would like to see return for the upcoming installment of Survivor. I then got the new Entertainment Weekly (#973), which had a two-page spread detailing the final cast. What I hadn't realized when I wrote the list, however, was that they seemed to only be choosing people from seasons 9-15 of Survivor, just as All-Stars (season 8) was cast from seasons 1-7. So I wasted eleven of the twenty spots on my Top 20 list on people who weren't even being considered. Here now is my list again, with the names of the people who weren't chosen darkened out, and the people who weren't even eligible crossed out. For the sake of expediency, I've removed my original commentary.

20. Gary Hogeboom, Survivor Guatemala
19. Clarence Black, Survivor Africa
18. Rupert Boneham, Survivor Pearl Islands/All-Stars

17. Terry Deitz, Survivor Panama
16. Elisabeth Filarski, Survivor Australia
15. Ted Rogers, Jr., Survivor Thailand

14. Ashley Massaro, Survivor China

13. James Clement, Survivor China
12. Yau-Man Chan, Survivor Fiji
11. Rob Cesternino, Survivor Amazon/All-Stars
10. Jenna Lewis, Survivor Borneo/All-Stars
9. Robb Zbacnik, Survivor Thailand

8. Shane Powers, Survivor Panama
7. Lex van den Berghe, Survivor Africa/All-Stars

6. Parvati Shallow, Survivor Cook Islands
5. Hunter Ellis, Survivor Marquesas
4. Richard Hatch, Survivor Borneo/All-Stars

3. Judd Sergeant, Survivor Guatemala
2. Courtney Yates, Survivor China
1. Colleen Haskell, Survivor Borneo

So, James, Yau-Man, and Parvati. That's not too shabby. I love watching all three of them. But no Judd or Courtney? That's two omissions that really hurt. Makes me wish this was another straight-up All-Stars.

Here, by the way, is the list of names I had also considered, but left off the list:

- Alicia Calaway, Survivor Australia/All-Stars
- Jerri Manthey, Survivor Australia/All-Stars
- Colby Donaldson, Survivor Australia/All-Stars
- Tom Buchanan, Survivor Africa/All-Stars
- Christy Smith, Survivor Amazon
- Heidi Strobel, Survivor Amazon
- Jessa Morasca, Survivor Amazon/All-Stars

- Danni Boatwright, Survivor Guatemala
- Aras Baskauskas, Survivor Panama
- Sekou Bunch, Survivor Cook Islands
- Yul Kwon, Survivor Cook Islands
- Amanda Kimmel, Survivor China

Amanda is all right. Her face always reminded me disturbingly of Parvati, so it will be incredible to have them both competing together. Amanda is more of a strategist though, so I would expect her to last longer (unless they follow tradition and eliminate the established strategists first).

And here's the rest of the people who will be in Micronesia:

- Cirie Fields, Survivor Panama -- I kinda liked her. She started out the game incapable of surviving outdoors, regretting her decision to compete in the show, and marked for elimination by the rest of her tribe. But circumstances spared her, and she grew to become a pretty good player. She made it to 4th place, eliminated only after losing a fire challenge when there was a tied vote. She was also in my list peripherally as the OR nurse that Shane showed his balls to.
- Jonathan Penner, Survivor Cook Islands -- I completely forgot about this guy, but I'm actually very happy to see that he's on the show. Everyone in Cook Islands hated him, but he was great to watch.
- Ozzy Lusth, Survivor Cook Islands -- A good competitor who had the strength and agility of some kinda monkey. Will be interesting to have back, I suppose.
- Eliza Orlins, Survivor Vanuatu -- Who the fuck is this?
- Ami Cusack, Survivor Vanuatu -- Let me just clarify that Survivor Vanuatu was quite possibly the worst season ever of Survivor, and my absolute least favorite. So why are there two people from it? I can't imagine anyone in the tribe of fans actually knew these bitches by name.
- Jonny Fairplay, Survivor Pearl Islands -- This is the dumbest Survivor to ever play the game. He bragged to an irritating degree, and was actually a terrible strategist and a huge pain in the ass. He became notorious when he had his visiting friend tell him that his grandmother had died, in order to win sympathy from the other castaways (the grandmother, in reality, was fine). But what never gets mentioned is the fact that the dead grandmother trick only helped him win a meaningless reward (his friend got to stay longer-- wow!). It didn't do shit to help him with the actual game. He did manage to swear on his grandmother's grave a couple times before being voted off, so I guess there is that. The only pleasure I would get from watching this guy is if maybe he gets voted off in the first episode or something.

By the way, I just noticed that Jonny Fairplay is from season 7. So maybe I was wrong about that whole first eight seasons cutoff. Whatever.


Friday, January 4, 2008

Superman Not Returning?

From comingsoon.net/superherohype.com:

Routh Out of Superman Sequel, Too? Source: Latino Review January 4, 2008

Not long after we mentioned this article from Variety stating that Bryan Singer is highly unlikely to direct the Superman Returns sequel, Latino Review posted more possible bad news for the second film -- Brandon Routh may not return either as Clark Kent/Superman.

According to the site, the actor that lands the Superman role in George Miller's Justice League will go on to star in a separate Superman movie as well.

Again, none of this is official until the studio actually confirms or denies these rumors (about both Singer and Routh), so it will be a wait-and-see game for now.

With all the sketchiness surrounding this Justice League movie and its imminent infection of every potential DC superhero movie franchise by way of spin-offs, I've consistently sought comfort in that fact that at least Batman and Superman were safe in their own pre-established franchises. Just the rumor of something like this is enough to make me sick. I don't even want to think about it.


Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Survivor Dream List

At the end of Survivor China, they revealed that the next Survivor installment (premiering 2.7.08) would feature hardcore Survivor fans competing against former castaways. All they would reveal is that at least one of them would be from the Survivor China cast. In anticipation, I composed a list of people I would like to see return to the show. Here it is in a very loose, but nevertheless countdown format.

The Top Twenty Past Survivors I Would Like to See Return for Survivor: Micronesia - Fans vs. Favorites

20. Gary Hogeboom, Survivor Guatemala -- This guy was a quarterback in the NFL for ten years in the 80's. For the purposes of Survivor, he claimed his name was Gary Hawkins, and that he was a landscaper, because he thought his football background might cause other players to eliminate him. Unbelievably enough, there was another contestant named Danni, who was in sports radio, and she recognized him instantly. However, he denied everything and kept his secret safe the entire time he was on the show. There's really no reason to have him back; I just think he's cool.
19. Clarence Black, Survivor Africa -- Early on in the game, the rest of his tribe went off somewhere and Clarence stayed behind with one of the girls, who wasn't feeling well. During this time, he opened a can of beans and ate it. When the tribe got back, everyone was furious. He tried to say that he opened it for the girl who wasn't feeling well, but she said that was a bunch of shit. This is the reason he was voted off.
18. Rupert Boneham, Survivor Pearl Islands/All-Stars -- During the first episode of his first stint on Survivor, the two tribes had washed ashore of a small village with nothing but the clothes off their back and were desperately seeking food and supplies to bring to the camp. Rupert hung back, stole the shoes of everyone in the opposing tribe from their unattended raft, and used them to barter with the villagers. Later in the season, a fellow castaway trying to pull her weight accidentally dropped their only fishing spear into the ocean, and promptly forgot where. Rupert searched an area the size of like three football fields and found it. He was later awarded a million dollars for being the most popular Survivor in All-Stars.
17. Terry Deitz, Survivor Panama -- A former fighter pilot and retired Commander from the US Navy. His entire tribe was picked clean, but he made it to the final three by winning pretty much every single individual immunity challenge. Then he lost the final immunity and got the boot. Makes you wonder if he could do it again.
16. Elisabeth Filarski, Survivor Australia -- Better known now as Elisabeth Hasselbeck, mother of two, wife of Arizona Cardinals QB Tim Hasselbeck, and four-year conservative co-host of The View. When she first started out, she was nothing more than a 23-year-old shoe designer with a pretty smile. I'd love to see how the years have changed her.
15. Ted Rogers, Jr., Survivor Thailand -- This guy tried to get cozy with a fellow castaway one night, and when she gave him shit about it in front of everyone, he shot back some of the best bullshit that's ever been said on Survivor. Some quotes that stand out lovingly in my memory are, "I'm not even ATTRACTED to you!" and "I am one hundred and fifty... to two hundred percent devoted to my wife!"
14. Ashley Massaro, Survivor China -- A lady wrestler for WWE who was voted off second this season, partly because she was on a shitty tribe. I think she could be pretty good.
13. James Clement, Survivor China -- The hugely sculpted grave digger who contributed a refreshing dose of levelheadedness and work ethic to his otherwise mostly spoiled tribe. Was eventually double-crossed and eliminated while holding two immunity idols in his backpack.
12. Yau-Man Chan, Survivor Fiji -- This was the funny little Asian guy who got pretty far despite his diminutive stature. He stole our hearts, but fell three spots short of stealing the million.
11. Rob Cesternino, Survivor Amazon/All-Stars -- This guy played everyone in Survivor Amazon. At one point, he was quadruple-crossing people and for some reason, everyone still generally liked him. He was one of the few boasters who actually knew what he was doing, but landed in 3rd place after blowing an endurance challenge. When he returned in All-Stars, he was almost instantly voted off by his tribe, who pegged him as a potential threat.
10. Jenna Lewis, Survivor Borneo/All-Stars -- About four Survivor chicks have gone on to appear nude. Three of them did it in the pages of Playboy. Jenna Lewis did it in a "leaked" graphic sex tape. I would like to continue seeing her gradual decline from youthful mom to public whore.
9. Robb Zbacnik, Survivor Thailand -- A very abrasive, hostile guy who picked lots of fights and ate more than his share of bananas. On his last night, he had some kind of spiritual awakening, and suddenly he loved everyone and wanted to mend his relationship with his father. He was voted off immediately. Also, his luxury item for the beaches of Thailand was a skateboard.
8. Shane Powers, Survivor Panama -- A two-pack-a-day smoker who quit cold turkey to be in the game, and became extremely irritable and moody from the withdrawal. He would get into lots of arguments and occasionally ask to be voted off. There was this oddball woman who seemed to have a crush on him, who he would casually treat like crap, which was amazing to watch (typical dialogue: "How did this happen! Courtney!" "Don't yell at me." "I'm not yelling at you. I'm yelling in general."). Aside from this, he was just a weird guy. He would talk into a piece of wood, pretending it was a BlackBerry (and not in a jokey way, like Greg from the first season). He also waved his testicles in front of a terrified female castaway's face because she was an OR nurse and he thought there was a potential problem with his balls. After the season was over, I recognized him as one of the guys who tries to molest the two main characters in a parking lot in the pilot episode of My So-Called Life.
7. Lex van den Berghe, Survivor Africa/All-Stars -- I remember after Lex's Africa stint, he had some kind of column where he would write editorials analyzing new episodes of Survivor. When All-Stars came around, he and a couple other guys had alliance deals with each other before shooting even commenced. During the show, he sacrificed his own numbers to protect Amber Brkich at the request of Rob Mariano. Rob went on to vote Lex off and Lex took it really personally, becoming enraged, even though he had betrayed his friend Ethan earlier in the same season (Ethan didn't seem to give a shit).
6. Parvati Shallow, Survivor Cook Islands -- Just a hot little number who got by mostly on shameless flirtation. I think if I was on the show, I would probably give her my immunity and thank her for the privilege.
5. Hunter Ellis, Survivor Marquesas -- The clear dominant male in the fourth installment of Survivor. He always had a great attitude, and I expected him to kick everyone's ass, but all the weak players got together and voted him off in the third episode. I remember this as the first time that shitty players figured out how to get rid of good players (resulting in generally unlikeable winners), a trend that continued for some time after that. A couple weeks ago, I saw Hunter Ellis as a fitness guru in a late night infomercial.
4. Richard Hatch, Survivor Borneo/All-Stars -- The first ever winner of Survivor. Primarily known for constantly being naked, he was also a very smart player, like Rob Cesternino, and was eliminated from All-Stars for the same reason. He is currently doing time in a federal prison for tax evasion, so I guess he would have to appear live via satellite in a little coconut TV that the castaways have to carry everywhere they go.
3. Judd Sergeant, Survivor Guatemala -- Judd was a doorman who was always excellent to watch because of how unbelievably stupid he acted. At one point during the season, he received a clue that the hidden immunity idol was hidden in a tree, so he told everyone that it was somewhere on the ground, to throw them off. Fellow contestant Gary Hogeboom later spotted him off by himself, squinting up at the trees. During tribal council, Judd claimed he never lied to anyone during the game. Gary called him out on the tree thing, to which Judd responded, "Okay, I lied about the damn idol." I guess there was no real graceful way to handle that. Gary ended up finding the idol and playing it when he was about to get voted off. There have been many knuckleheads on Survivor, but never one as big as Judd. One of my all-time favorite Survivor moments is when Jeff Probst was introducing a challenge by saying it would be a test of the castaways' mental skills, and seeing Judd immediately close his eyes in silent defeat.
2. Courtney Yates, Survivor China -- The waiflike pixie with an acid tongue and a heart as black as coal. She was just such an unapologetic shrew that I feel like I must have her approval at any cost.
1. Colleen Haskell, Survivor Borneo -- She was one of the few people to turn down All-Stars when they asked her back. But a fella can dream.

Also considered: Alicia Calaway (Survivor Australia/All-Stars), Jerri Manthey (Survivor Australia/All-Stars), Colby Donaldson (Survivor Australia/All-Stars), Tom Buchanan (Survivor Africa/All-Stars), Christy Smith (Survivor Amazon), Heidi Strobel (Survivor Amazon), Jessa Morasca (Survivor Amazon/All-Stars), Danni Boatwright (Survivor Guatemala), Aras Baskauskas (Survivor Panama), Sekou Bunch (Survivor Cook Islands), Yul Kwon (Survivor Cook Islands), and Amanda Kimmel (Survivor China).