Last week, I went to a Steak Escapes and started to say my order. Before I could finish, the woman at the register interrupted and predicted what the rest of the order would be.
I kinda don't like being recognized like this. I enjoy anonymity when it comes to stupid things like sandwich orders. I guess it's because I'd rather be recognized for more noteworthy things. Like, one time I was interning at a place and they asked me to photocopy a 400-page book about the Trail of Tears. They showed me how to lay it down on the Xerox machine and press down just right so the pages wouldn't come out crooked, and the binding wouldn't cut off any of the words. So I did it exactly how they told me. For the rest of the day, people were complimenting me on how well I photocopied this book. The receptionist introduced me to someone who worked there, and she said, "Diego? Oh, you photocopied the Trail of Tears!" And she started raving about how usually their book photocopies are terrible, but that the one I did was awesome. What I had done was not really a big deal, but I completely appreciated the recognition. If someone sees me and is like, "Oh, this guy. He's going to get turkey philly. Watch." That just makes me never want to go to that place ever again.
Then today, I went to a Quizno, and I got the two sammies from Celebrity Apprentice.
See, last week, their task on the show was to create a new sandwich for Quizno. Team Hydra (Lennox Lewis, Piers Morgan, Carol Alt) created the Champ (turkey, cheddar, lettuce, tomato, Chipotle Mayo), and Team Empresario (Trace Adkins, Stephen Baldwin) created the Cowboy Club (prime rib, Mozzarella, bacon, sautéed onions, Chipotle Mayo). They are only available for the rest of this week. But I bet if I go in next week and tell them the ingredients, they'll make me the goddamn discontinued reality show sammies.
So I ordered these babies, a guy made them, and the woman at the register said, "Sammies meal?" I could barely tell what she was saying because of her heavy accent, so I nodded, she rang me up, and I paid. But then I was given a beverage cup. I hadn't ordered a beverage. I then realized "sammy meal" is the name of a combo. I didn't want a combo. I just thought she was asking me if the two sammies were the meal I had ordered. The lesson here is don't assume you know what someone with a heavy accent is saying, because they may be putting extraneous items on your debit card.
The drink came in handy later because the Chipotle Mayo was a little spicy. As for which sammie I prefer, I'm gonna have to give the edge to the Cowboy Club. But I take it without onions.
Writers' Indignity #4826
3 hours ago