As promised, here's my own personal Top 10. These are the ladies I would put on a card to carry around with me, and if I met them in real life, I would show them the card and they would be allowed to sleep with me. I think this is admissible in court.
10. Shannen Doherty -- Odd choice, I agree. Maybe it's because nobody else likes her. How bout this, I'll carry an alternate list with, say, Rachel McAdams right here.
9. The girl detective from Law & Order -- I realize she has a name, but this is only a passing fancy, so it would contradict my feelings if I were to refer to her as Milena Govich.
8. Colleen Haskell -- She's been off the radar for a while, so I think it would be weird to put her any higher on the list.
7. Neve Campbell -- Recently married, so no real future there.
6. Claire Danes -- Mainly love her acting.
5. Angelina Jolie -- She used to top the list in high school, but something tells me it just wouldn't work out.
4. Gina Gershon -- Four years ago, she was twice my age. Yikes.
3. Naomi Watts -- I think I'd just have her put on funny acts for me, like King Kong.
2. Hilary Swank -- Extra points for being both a karate kid and a million dollar baby.
1. Linda Cardellini -- You could tell Heath Ledger was gay in Brokeback Mountain because he passed this one up. Also he fucked Jake Gyllenhaal in the ass.
Cheers,
Diego
Monday, May 28, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Maxim Hot 100 -- Who Would I Do?
So Maxim recently put out the issue that comes with the annual Hot 100 bonus magazine. A minimag that basically counts down what they have decided are the hottest 100 women in the world. It's always funny how the hottest women are usually the ones that have posed for their magazine in the past year. I have reproduced the list here and provided commentary on which of these women I would have sex with. The darkened names represent the women I wasn't that familiar with, and hence, didn't waste any time fantasizing about having sex with. And now, the list.
100. Noureen DeWulf
99. Mia Maestro
98. Yunjin Kim -- She plays Sun on Lost. She is a pretty good actress, so I would have sex with her.
97. Kim Kardashian
96. Shanna Moakler
95. Second Life Girl
94. Kelly Carlson
93. Christina Milian
92. Mary Elizabeth Winstead
91. Isla Fisher -- She was in Wedding Crashers. She was funny. I would have sex with her.
90. Salma Hayek -- Hot, but annoying. I would have sex with her and then start reading a magazine so she would get the hint.
89. Haylie Duff -- She was in Napoleon Dynamite. I'm not really in the market for Haylie Duff sex.
88. Raquel Alessi
87. Padma Lakshmi
86. Michelle Trachtenberg -- It is always weird when evaluating the hotness of a former child star, but I guess I would take her for a boner test drive.
85. Kelly Ripa -- I would be very interested in Kelly Ripa sex.
84. Hometown Hottie
83. Ivanka Trump -- Seems a little full of herself, but still yes to the sex.
82. Dita Von Teese
81. Emmanuelle Chriqui
80. Abbie Cornish
79. Adrianne Palicki
78. Joss Stone
77. Hilarie Burton
76. Diora Baird
75. April Scott
74. Tara Conner
73. Mena Suvari -- She was in American Pie and American Beauty. Where has she been? Tentative maybe.
72. Ciara
71. Willa Ford -- She had a hit single a long time ago. Also on the fence.
70. Stacy Keibler
69. Danica Patrick
68. Evangeline Lilly -- She is also on Lost. Absolutely yes I would have sex with her.
67. Gabrielle Union
66. Joanna Krupa
65. Autumn Reeser
64. Lena Headey
63. Bianca Kajlich -- She was on Boston Public and Halloween Resurrection. If the years have been kind, then sure.
62. Danneel Harris
61. Nadine Velazquez
60. Jessica White
59. Jamie-Lynn Sigler -- She is on The Sopranos. But, ah. No thanks.
58. Penelope Cruz -- I don't really like her. Maybe some doggie style.
57. Tricia Helfer
56. Michele Merkin
55. Halle Berry -- Also very annoying. She gets angry sex.
54. Missy Peregrym
53. Adriana Lima
52. Kate Walsh
51. Alessandra Ambrosio
50. Miss Maxim
49. Mischa Barton
48. Mandy Moore -- She's cool. I would like to curl up with her and watch "A Walk To Remember," and then have sex.
47. Katharine McPhee -- At least.
46. Kristen Bell
45. Bar Refaeli
44. Rose McGowan -- Sexy and funny. God yes.
43. Kate Mara -- Might as well.
42. Minka Kelly
41. Jessica Simpson -- Sometimes her stupidity on Newlyweds became a massive turnoff. I think I would have sex with her if we only spoke through scripted lines.
40. Moon Bloodgood
39. Rachel Bilson
38. Shakira -- I don't know. I guess I'd walk in the room and call it on the spot.
37. Ashley Olsen -- Fuck no. I'm a Mary-Kate man.
36. Jamie King
35. Jennifer Garner -- Such a cutie pie. I hope she enjoys getting pregnant.
34. Vanessa Minnillo
33. Roselyn Sanchez
32. Lacey Chabert -- Isn't she like a poor man's Jennifer Love Hewitt? Well, guess what. I'm broke.
31. Amy Smart -- Absolutely yes, and would maybe discuss her career for a little bit.
30. Rebecca Romijn -- What red blooded American male wouldn't?
29. Sarah Silverman -- Not if she's gonna be gross.
28. Carmen Electra -- Actually, I could go either way on this.
27. Kate Hudson -- All right.
26. Nelly Furtado -- Nah.
25. Elisha Cuthbert -- Sign me up for the all-day pass.
24. Sophia Bush
23. Hilary Duff -- She does all those crappy movies... okay, but let's get to know each other first.
22. Nicole Scherzinger
21. Kate Beckinsdale
20. Keira Knightley -- I'd give her a jolly good rogering.
19. Cameron Diaz -- Uh, yeah.
18. Megan Fox
17. Maria Sharapova
16. Ashlee Simpson -- I don't recognize her with the new nose. I'd call this one on the spot too.
15. Avril Lavigne -- What an odd choice. I'll say yes for the novelty.
14. Katherine Heigl -- Not a fan of Grey's Anatomy, but whatever. Hop on.
13. Beyonce -- This fuck has been a thousand music videos in the making.
12. Angelina Jolie -- She would need to clear her schedule (for all the sex).
11. Sienna Miller
10. Fergie -- I would hit it till the London Bridge came down.
9. Eva Longoria -- Only one desperate housewife? She will have to do. And do her I will.
8. Rihanna
7. Eva Mendes -- I would definitely throw it in her for a decent amount of time.
6. Ali Larter -- Not attracted to her. Can you believe it?
5. Jessica Biel -- I really hate her, but am not sure why. She also gets angry sex.
4. Christina Aguilera -- When she first came on the scene, she was a little young; not quite ripe. Then, for a while, she was kinda gross. But she has aged into a seemingly fine wine. I'd tap the hell out of it before she gets corked.
3. Scarlett Johansson -- Yummerz.
2. Jessica Alba -- I think Sin City was the clincher.
1. Lindsay Lohan -- Really? #1? It's not her fault, but I just have a majorly trashy tabloid image of her. Maybe if she washed her vagina first.
And that's the Maxim Hot 100. Pretty lame, if you ask me. I'd say only one name out of this entire list would appear on my own personal Top 10, and that is Angelina Jolie. Perhaps I will post my own personal Top 10. After I'm done thinking of the forty-something yeses I just handed out. I hope you've enjoyed my most culturally relevant blog yet.
Cheers,
Diego
100. Noureen DeWulf
99. Mia Maestro
98. Yunjin Kim -- She plays Sun on Lost. She is a pretty good actress, so I would have sex with her.
97. Kim Kardashian
96. Shanna Moakler
95. Second Life Girl
94. Kelly Carlson
93. Christina Milian
92. Mary Elizabeth Winstead
91. Isla Fisher -- She was in Wedding Crashers. She was funny. I would have sex with her.
90. Salma Hayek -- Hot, but annoying. I would have sex with her and then start reading a magazine so she would get the hint.
89. Haylie Duff -- She was in Napoleon Dynamite. I'm not really in the market for Haylie Duff sex.
88. Raquel Alessi
87. Padma Lakshmi
86. Michelle Trachtenberg -- It is always weird when evaluating the hotness of a former child star, but I guess I would take her for a boner test drive.
85. Kelly Ripa -- I would be very interested in Kelly Ripa sex.
84. Hometown Hottie
83. Ivanka Trump -- Seems a little full of herself, but still yes to the sex.
82. Dita Von Teese
81. Emmanuelle Chriqui
80. Abbie Cornish
79. Adrianne Palicki
78. Joss Stone
77. Hilarie Burton
76. Diora Baird
75. April Scott
74. Tara Conner
73. Mena Suvari -- She was in American Pie and American Beauty. Where has she been? Tentative maybe.
72. Ciara
71. Willa Ford -- She had a hit single a long time ago. Also on the fence.
70. Stacy Keibler
69. Danica Patrick
68. Evangeline Lilly -- She is also on Lost. Absolutely yes I would have sex with her.
67. Gabrielle Union
66. Joanna Krupa
65. Autumn Reeser
64. Lena Headey
63. Bianca Kajlich -- She was on Boston Public and Halloween Resurrection. If the years have been kind, then sure.
62. Danneel Harris
61. Nadine Velazquez
60. Jessica White
59. Jamie-Lynn Sigler -- She is on The Sopranos. But, ah. No thanks.
58. Penelope Cruz -- I don't really like her. Maybe some doggie style.
57. Tricia Helfer
56. Michele Merkin
55. Halle Berry -- Also very annoying. She gets angry sex.
54. Missy Peregrym
53. Adriana Lima
52. Kate Walsh
51. Alessandra Ambrosio
50. Miss Maxim
49. Mischa Barton
48. Mandy Moore -- She's cool. I would like to curl up with her and watch "A Walk To Remember," and then have sex.
47. Katharine McPhee -- At least.
46. Kristen Bell
45. Bar Refaeli
44. Rose McGowan -- Sexy and funny. God yes.
43. Kate Mara -- Might as well.
42. Minka Kelly
41. Jessica Simpson -- Sometimes her stupidity on Newlyweds became a massive turnoff. I think I would have sex with her if we only spoke through scripted lines.
40. Moon Bloodgood
39. Rachel Bilson
38. Shakira -- I don't know. I guess I'd walk in the room and call it on the spot.
37. Ashley Olsen -- Fuck no. I'm a Mary-Kate man.
36. Jamie King
35. Jennifer Garner -- Such a cutie pie. I hope she enjoys getting pregnant.
34. Vanessa Minnillo
33. Roselyn Sanchez
32. Lacey Chabert -- Isn't she like a poor man's Jennifer Love Hewitt? Well, guess what. I'm broke.
31. Amy Smart -- Absolutely yes, and would maybe discuss her career for a little bit.
30. Rebecca Romijn -- What red blooded American male wouldn't?
29. Sarah Silverman -- Not if she's gonna be gross.
28. Carmen Electra -- Actually, I could go either way on this.
27. Kate Hudson -- All right.
26. Nelly Furtado -- Nah.
25. Elisha Cuthbert -- Sign me up for the all-day pass.
24. Sophia Bush
23. Hilary Duff -- She does all those crappy movies... okay, but let's get to know each other first.
22. Nicole Scherzinger
21. Kate Beckinsdale
20. Keira Knightley -- I'd give her a jolly good rogering.
19. Cameron Diaz -- Uh, yeah.
18. Megan Fox
17. Maria Sharapova
16. Ashlee Simpson -- I don't recognize her with the new nose. I'd call this one on the spot too.
15. Avril Lavigne -- What an odd choice. I'll say yes for the novelty.
14. Katherine Heigl -- Not a fan of Grey's Anatomy, but whatever. Hop on.
13. Beyonce -- This fuck has been a thousand music videos in the making.
12. Angelina Jolie -- She would need to clear her schedule (for all the sex).
11. Sienna Miller
10. Fergie -- I would hit it till the London Bridge came down.
9. Eva Longoria -- Only one desperate housewife? She will have to do. And do her I will.
8. Rihanna
7. Eva Mendes -- I would definitely throw it in her for a decent amount of time.
6. Ali Larter -- Not attracted to her. Can you believe it?
5. Jessica Biel -- I really hate her, but am not sure why. She also gets angry sex.
4. Christina Aguilera -- When she first came on the scene, she was a little young; not quite ripe. Then, for a while, she was kinda gross. But she has aged into a seemingly fine wine. I'd tap the hell out of it before she gets corked.
3. Scarlett Johansson -- Yummerz.
2. Jessica Alba -- I think Sin City was the clincher.
1. Lindsay Lohan -- Really? #1? It's not her fault, but I just have a majorly trashy tabloid image of her. Maybe if she washed her vagina first.
And that's the Maxim Hot 100. Pretty lame, if you ask me. I'd say only one name out of this entire list would appear on my own personal Top 10, and that is Angelina Jolie. Perhaps I will post my own personal Top 10. After I'm done thinking of the forty-something yeses I just handed out. I hope you've enjoyed my most culturally relevant blog yet.
Cheers,
Diego
Sunday, May 20, 2007
The Rialto.
So I wanted to go see Shrek the Third. I hadn't heard good things, so I expected it to be bad, but I'd expected the same of Shrek 2 (due to the new writers) and had been pleasantly surprised upon seeing that one. So I was equally prepared to either like it or dislike it. I looked up the theaters that were showing it, because I usually shell out for the nice theaters for all the cool summer movies, but I was willing to see Shrek the Third in any old shithouse. And I saw that one of the theaters showing it was The Rialto.
The Rialto is an old theater in South Pasadena where they shot the cold opening for Scream 2. I LOVE this movie, so I figured it would be cool to go check it out. I watched the beginning of Scream 2 to re-acquaint myself with the location and then I drove there. It was in a very nice little neighborhood, where I was amazed to find free parking right on the street. It's been a full decade since they shot Scream 2, and the shops surrounding The Rialto were exactly the same. The tiny box office out front was still there, but it was not in use. Rather, they were selling the tickets within, on the side of the concession stand. I just about nutted instantaneously when I saw the lobby. The door to the auditorium where Omar scares Jada, the stairs where the two guys run around play-stabbing each other, the concession stand that Jada goes to; it was all there. I immediately checked out the men's room to see if it was the same one they used in the movie, but it wasn't. Actually, I heard that the auditorium itself was shot at the Vista (another nearby theater I've been to), so maybe they shot the men's room there too. I will confirm this next time I go.
I then got some popcorn and soda at the concession stand, just like Jada Pinkett Smith. Except The Rialto uses the same overpriced cups and popcorn bags you see everywhere else. See, in the movie, Jada orders a medium popcorn and a small Diet Pepsi. She's given a giant cup with the Pepsi logo and a BUCKET of popcorn. What if she had ordered the large popcorn with a large drink? She wouldn't have been able to lift them. When I ordered a medium popcorn and a medium drink, the concession people showed me how tiny the medium was and started selling me on the large sizes, because they both come with free refills if you get a large. How much do they think one person can eat? Giving me large quantities of something is the only guarantee you have that I won't need a refill, you maniacs. They really want to give people their money's worth. I guess that's why their medium popcorn was a bucket ten years ago. And they were selling Coke, not Pepsi.
So, I guess, not exactly like Jada Pinkett Smith.
They were also selling DVDs at the concession stand. They had copies of Scream 2, The Player, and whatever other movies were probably shot there. Overall, my moviegoing experience was super awesome. Visiting this location was just as magical as when I ate at the Burger King glimpsed at the beginning of Back to the Future a few months ago. And Shrek the Third sucked my balls.
Cheers,
Diego
The Rialto is an old theater in South Pasadena where they shot the cold opening for Scream 2. I LOVE this movie, so I figured it would be cool to go check it out. I watched the beginning of Scream 2 to re-acquaint myself with the location and then I drove there. It was in a very nice little neighborhood, where I was amazed to find free parking right on the street. It's been a full decade since they shot Scream 2, and the shops surrounding The Rialto were exactly the same. The tiny box office out front was still there, but it was not in use. Rather, they were selling the tickets within, on the side of the concession stand. I just about nutted instantaneously when I saw the lobby. The door to the auditorium where Omar scares Jada, the stairs where the two guys run around play-stabbing each other, the concession stand that Jada goes to; it was all there. I immediately checked out the men's room to see if it was the same one they used in the movie, but it wasn't. Actually, I heard that the auditorium itself was shot at the Vista (another nearby theater I've been to), so maybe they shot the men's room there too. I will confirm this next time I go.
I then got some popcorn and soda at the concession stand, just like Jada Pinkett Smith. Except The Rialto uses the same overpriced cups and popcorn bags you see everywhere else. See, in the movie, Jada orders a medium popcorn and a small Diet Pepsi. She's given a giant cup with the Pepsi logo and a BUCKET of popcorn. What if she had ordered the large popcorn with a large drink? She wouldn't have been able to lift them. When I ordered a medium popcorn and a medium drink, the concession people showed me how tiny the medium was and started selling me on the large sizes, because they both come with free refills if you get a large. How much do they think one person can eat? Giving me large quantities of something is the only guarantee you have that I won't need a refill, you maniacs. They really want to give people their money's worth. I guess that's why their medium popcorn was a bucket ten years ago. And they were selling Coke, not Pepsi.
So, I guess, not exactly like Jada Pinkett Smith.
They were also selling DVDs at the concession stand. They had copies of Scream 2, The Player, and whatever other movies were probably shot there. Overall, my moviegoing experience was super awesome. Visiting this location was just as magical as when I ate at the Burger King glimpsed at the beginning of Back to the Future a few months ago. And Shrek the Third sucked my balls.
Cheers,
Diego
Friday, May 18, 2007
The Upfronts: FOX & The CW.
And here we are on the last day of the upfronts. It's been a wild ride. There's been lots of cancellations. Some wise, some foolish, and a shitload fairly irrelevant. Today, I will cover the cancellations made by FOX and The CW, and I will mix them all up into my standard four categories:
1. GOOD -- These are the shows I'm glad are gone, and would have pulled off the air myself if given the chance.
2. I DON'T CARE -- These are the shows I have absolutely no opinion of because I didn't watch them.
3. I KINDA CARE -- These are the shows I watched, but are not exactly a huge loss.
4. FUCK FOX -- These are the shows I loved, taken before their time.
1. GOOD
The CW:
- 7th Heaven -- This is a show that I think has probably long outlasted its usefulness. It ran for 10 seasons before they decided to cancel it, and when The WB became The CW, they actually uncancelled it and brought it back for an 11th season. I used to watch it at some point during the earlier seasons when I was in high school. It was about a Christian family, the father being a church minister. The main reason I stopped watching it is that the show sucked, everyone on it was annoying, and the parents were insanely strict, which made the kids act equally insane.
FOX:
- Justice -- I watched the first few episodes of this because it sounded pretty cool. Each episode would follow a court case to its outcome, and at the end of the episode, we would see what actually happened in the initial crime, and we would know whether or not justice was served. Good premise, but the show itself was lousy. They concentrated on all these high-tech tactics the characters had to use to win over the jury, using slick demonstrations and the cutthroat media that studied their every move. But I didn't give a shit about that sensationalistic garbage. I just wanted some good ol' fashioned courtroom justice. FOX ordered 14 episodes, produced 13, and aired 12. But that 13th one did air, in like, Mexico. So, in a way, justice was served.
2. I DON'T CARE
The CW:
- All of Us -- This was a sitcom about a racially blended family. Sounds hilarious! It ran for 3 seasons on UPN, then 1 season on The CW.
- Gilmore Girls -- This was like an hour-long dramedy about a single mom and her daughter. I've heard this is a good show, but I've never seen it. It ran for 6 seasons on The WB, then 1 season on The CW. What's up with established shows helping The CW get on its feet, only to be cut down after a single season?
- Reba -- This was a sitcom about a wisecracking single mom played by country singer Reba McEntire. I can only assume there's people on the planet who actually enjoyed watching this. It ran for 5 seasons on The WB, then 1 season on The CW. Good lord.
- Runaway -- This was an hour-long drama about a family that was secretly on the run from the law (for a crime the father didn't commit) while at the same time being hunted by the real killer. It was one of only two shows that actually premiered on The CW. As such, The CW aired only 3 of its 13 episodes. Ah, see? Now The CW is acting like a real network.
- Veronica Mars -- This was a teen mystery show. It ran for 2 seasons on UPN, then 1 season on The CW. Anyone else pick up on that pattern? Anyway, that's it for all The CW shows.
FOX:
- Happy Hour -- Happy Hour was a sitcom about a young guy trying to rebuild his life after losing everything. I'm gonna guess he didn't make it -- FOX aired only 4 of its 13 episodes.
- The O.C. -- This was a popular teen drama about people who lived in Orange County, California. I could never bring myself to watch this show. I guess I'm more of a Smallville guy. FOX cancelled this after 4 seasons.
- Vanished -- This was an hour-long drama about a senator's wife getting kidnapped, followed by a bunch of other unanswered secrets and conspiracies. FOX aired only 9 of its 13 episodes, leaving no storyline resolved. At least the show's title became tragically appropriate.
- The War at Home -- This was a sitcom about a dysfunctional family starring Michael Rappaport. I never saw this show, but with Rappaport as the lead, how bad could it have been? FOX cancelled it after 2 seasons.
- The Wedding Bells -- This was an hour-long dramedy about wedding planners, co-created by David E. Kelley. Being an admirer of Kelley's work, I tried to watch this show, but it was uninteresting and, just, filled with wedding shit. FOX aired only 5 of its 7 episodes.
3. I KINDA CARE
- The Rich List -- This was a game show in which teams of two would compete at making lists, to see who could name the most things out of each category. Holy shit! I remember this show! I had completely forgotten about its very existence. Maybe that's because FOX cancelled it after airing only 1 episode. You fucking cowards! Don't get me wrong; this show was even more asinine than it sounds, but it was still fun to play along at home and make all the contestants look like idiots.
- The Winner -- This was a sitcom about a man-child in his 30's who lived with his parents (narrated by his future millionaire self). It wasn't a brilliant show, but it was pretty funny, and it demonstrated a love for classic shows (not unlike Family Guy) that made me appreciate it a little more than I otherwise would have. FOX ran all 6 episodes of this, perhaps forecasting its imminent demise by burning them 2 at a time over a period of 3 weeks.
4. FUCK FOX
- Drive -- This was an hour-long ensemble drama about a secret illegal underground road race being run by a mysterious organization. It wasn't a great show, but it was certainly engaging, and as of its demise, I would have kept watching it indefinitely. It was a blatant Lost ripoff, which was at the same time its best and worst quality. And while I'm confessing to this guilty pleasure, I might as well also admit that this show managed to sneak in a twist at one point that actually blew my mind. Which is embarrassing, because that rarely happens, even with far better shows. I hate FOX for putting this in the Prison Break time slot and not helping it build an audience before immediately pulling the plug on it. Especially because they are once again jerking around Nathan Fillion, who previously starred in Joss Whedon's Firefly, an unbelievably good show that didn't even make it through its first season on FOX. In the meantime, Prison Break sucks ass. FOX aired only 4 of Drive's 6 episodes, with tentative plans to burn off the last 2 on July 4, 2007. Well, God bless America.
And that's it for all the shows that were left out of the network TV upfronts. Stay tuned for more upfront bullshit later if I feel like it.
Cheers,
Diego
1. GOOD -- These are the shows I'm glad are gone, and would have pulled off the air myself if given the chance.
2. I DON'T CARE -- These are the shows I have absolutely no opinion of because I didn't watch them.
3. I KINDA CARE -- These are the shows I watched, but are not exactly a huge loss.
4. FUCK FOX -- These are the shows I loved, taken before their time.
1. GOOD
The CW:
- 7th Heaven -- This is a show that I think has probably long outlasted its usefulness. It ran for 10 seasons before they decided to cancel it, and when The WB became The CW, they actually uncancelled it and brought it back for an 11th season. I used to watch it at some point during the earlier seasons when I was in high school. It was about a Christian family, the father being a church minister. The main reason I stopped watching it is that the show sucked, everyone on it was annoying, and the parents were insanely strict, which made the kids act equally insane.
FOX:
- Justice -- I watched the first few episodes of this because it sounded pretty cool. Each episode would follow a court case to its outcome, and at the end of the episode, we would see what actually happened in the initial crime, and we would know whether or not justice was served. Good premise, but the show itself was lousy. They concentrated on all these high-tech tactics the characters had to use to win over the jury, using slick demonstrations and the cutthroat media that studied their every move. But I didn't give a shit about that sensationalistic garbage. I just wanted some good ol' fashioned courtroom justice. FOX ordered 14 episodes, produced 13, and aired 12. But that 13th one did air, in like, Mexico. So, in a way, justice was served.
2. I DON'T CARE
The CW:
- All of Us -- This was a sitcom about a racially blended family. Sounds hilarious! It ran for 3 seasons on UPN, then 1 season on The CW.
- Gilmore Girls -- This was like an hour-long dramedy about a single mom and her daughter. I've heard this is a good show, but I've never seen it. It ran for 6 seasons on The WB, then 1 season on The CW. What's up with established shows helping The CW get on its feet, only to be cut down after a single season?
- Reba -- This was a sitcom about a wisecracking single mom played by country singer Reba McEntire. I can only assume there's people on the planet who actually enjoyed watching this. It ran for 5 seasons on The WB, then 1 season on The CW. Good lord.
- Runaway -- This was an hour-long drama about a family that was secretly on the run from the law (for a crime the father didn't commit) while at the same time being hunted by the real killer. It was one of only two shows that actually premiered on The CW. As such, The CW aired only 3 of its 13 episodes. Ah, see? Now The CW is acting like a real network.
- Veronica Mars -- This was a teen mystery show. It ran for 2 seasons on UPN, then 1 season on The CW. Anyone else pick up on that pattern? Anyway, that's it for all The CW shows.
FOX:
- Happy Hour -- Happy Hour was a sitcom about a young guy trying to rebuild his life after losing everything. I'm gonna guess he didn't make it -- FOX aired only 4 of its 13 episodes.
- The O.C. -- This was a popular teen drama about people who lived in Orange County, California. I could never bring myself to watch this show. I guess I'm more of a Smallville guy. FOX cancelled this after 4 seasons.
- Vanished -- This was an hour-long drama about a senator's wife getting kidnapped, followed by a bunch of other unanswered secrets and conspiracies. FOX aired only 9 of its 13 episodes, leaving no storyline resolved. At least the show's title became tragically appropriate.
- The War at Home -- This was a sitcom about a dysfunctional family starring Michael Rappaport. I never saw this show, but with Rappaport as the lead, how bad could it have been? FOX cancelled it after 2 seasons.
- The Wedding Bells -- This was an hour-long dramedy about wedding planners, co-created by David E. Kelley. Being an admirer of Kelley's work, I tried to watch this show, but it was uninteresting and, just, filled with wedding shit. FOX aired only 5 of its 7 episodes.
3. I KINDA CARE
- The Rich List -- This was a game show in which teams of two would compete at making lists, to see who could name the most things out of each category. Holy shit! I remember this show! I had completely forgotten about its very existence. Maybe that's because FOX cancelled it after airing only 1 episode. You fucking cowards! Don't get me wrong; this show was even more asinine than it sounds, but it was still fun to play along at home and make all the contestants look like idiots.
- The Winner -- This was a sitcom about a man-child in his 30's who lived with his parents (narrated by his future millionaire self). It wasn't a brilliant show, but it was pretty funny, and it demonstrated a love for classic shows (not unlike Family Guy) that made me appreciate it a little more than I otherwise would have. FOX ran all 6 episodes of this, perhaps forecasting its imminent demise by burning them 2 at a time over a period of 3 weeks.
4. FUCK FOX
- Drive -- This was an hour-long ensemble drama about a secret illegal underground road race being run by a mysterious organization. It wasn't a great show, but it was certainly engaging, and as of its demise, I would have kept watching it indefinitely. It was a blatant Lost ripoff, which was at the same time its best and worst quality. And while I'm confessing to this guilty pleasure, I might as well also admit that this show managed to sneak in a twist at one point that actually blew my mind. Which is embarrassing, because that rarely happens, even with far better shows. I hate FOX for putting this in the Prison Break time slot and not helping it build an audience before immediately pulling the plug on it. Especially because they are once again jerking around Nathan Fillion, who previously starred in Joss Whedon's Firefly, an unbelievably good show that didn't even make it through its first season on FOX. In the meantime, Prison Break sucks ass. FOX aired only 4 of Drive's 6 episodes, with tentative plans to burn off the last 2 on July 4, 2007. Well, God bless America.
And that's it for all the shows that were left out of the network TV upfronts. Stay tuned for more upfront bullshit later if I feel like it.
Cheers,
Diego
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
The Upfronts: CBS.
So today was the upfront for CBS. I have a list of the shows they're not bringing back, which I will now divide into the following categories:
1. GOOD -- These are the shows I'm glad are gone, and would have pulled off the air myself if given the chance.
2. I DON'T CARE -- These are the shows I have absolutely no opinion of because I didn't watch them.
3. I KINDA CARE -- These are the shows I watched, but are not exactly a huge loss.
4. FUCK CBS -- These are the shows I loved, taken before their time.
1. GOOD
- Armed & Famous -- I never saw this, but was repulsed enough by the premise. It was basically Erik Estrada, La Toya Jackson, Jack Osbourne, Trish Stratus, and Wee Man training to be cops in Muncie, Indiana. Now, I can enjoy the reality exploitation of desperate celebrities just like the next guy, but doing it right is tricky business. And I don't think this is the way to do it. CBS killed this show after 4 episodes and sold the reruns to VH1. Must have been some cheap reruns.
- Jericho -- This show followed the population of Jericho, Kansas, after the town was cut off from the rest of the world following some kind of nuclear attack. I watched the first episode and found it to be something of an insulting Lost copycat. I didn't really hate it, but I saw no future for it. CBS cancelled it after airing all 22 episodes.
2. I DON'T CARE
- 3 lbs. -- This was a show about brain surgeons that I guess was supposed to be a really good replacement for Smith (see below), but was cancelled after CBS aired only 3 of its 8 episodes. I think the rest are being shown on the Internet.
- The Class -- All the networks wanted this one because it was co-created by one of the co-creators of Friends. It was a sitcom about these 8 people who were in 3rd grade together and meet up after a couple decades, and I guess get involved in each other's lives. I wonder if anyone heard that premise and thought, "I gotta see this fuckin show." CBS aired all 19 episodes.
- Close to Home -- This was apparently a crime drama about a woman criminal prosecutor who is married to a construction worker and has a baby daughter. It took place in Indiana, which makes me wonder if any crossovers were considered with Armed & Famous. This show ran for two 22-episode seasons, cancelled by CBS after it aired all 44 episodes.
- Rock Star -- This show also ran for 2 seasons. It was a reality competition where famous rock groups tried to find new lead singers, like the movie of the same name. The first season was for the group INXS, the second season was for the group Supernova, and the likelihood of a third season depends on CBS's determination to keep me from watching their network.
- Smith -- This was a show with Ray Liotta about professional thieves who also have personal lives. CBS cancelled it after airing only 3 of its 7 episodes, then put the rest on the Internet. Then they replaced it with 3 lbs. and did the same thing. Maybe they should start ordering new shows in 3-episode packages.
- Waterfront -- This was about the quirky mayor of Providence, Rhode Island, who, much like Close to Home and Smith, has to balance his work and personal life. The funny thing about this show is that CBS cancelled it after airing zero of its 5 episodes. The show never saw airwaves. Why did they shoot the episodes?!
3. I KINDA CARE
- The King of Queens -- This is a really funny show, and the last surviving sitcom to have premiered in the 90's. I don't really mind that it's over, because it ran for 9 seasons, which is great for any sitcom. Hopefully this means more Kevin James standup.
4. FUCK CBS
CBS didn't cancel any shows I really loved. This shows either great judgment, or a lack of great programming.
So that's it for CBS. The upfronts end tomorrow with FOX and the CW. Paragons both.
Cheers,
Diego
1. GOOD -- These are the shows I'm glad are gone, and would have pulled off the air myself if given the chance.
2. I DON'T CARE -- These are the shows I have absolutely no opinion of because I didn't watch them.
3. I KINDA CARE -- These are the shows I watched, but are not exactly a huge loss.
4. FUCK CBS -- These are the shows I loved, taken before their time.
1. GOOD
- Armed & Famous -- I never saw this, but was repulsed enough by the premise. It was basically Erik Estrada, La Toya Jackson, Jack Osbourne, Trish Stratus, and Wee Man training to be cops in Muncie, Indiana. Now, I can enjoy the reality exploitation of desperate celebrities just like the next guy, but doing it right is tricky business. And I don't think this is the way to do it. CBS killed this show after 4 episodes and sold the reruns to VH1. Must have been some cheap reruns.
- Jericho -- This show followed the population of Jericho, Kansas, after the town was cut off from the rest of the world following some kind of nuclear attack. I watched the first episode and found it to be something of an insulting Lost copycat. I didn't really hate it, but I saw no future for it. CBS cancelled it after airing all 22 episodes.
2. I DON'T CARE
- 3 lbs. -- This was a show about brain surgeons that I guess was supposed to be a really good replacement for Smith (see below), but was cancelled after CBS aired only 3 of its 8 episodes. I think the rest are being shown on the Internet.
- The Class -- All the networks wanted this one because it was co-created by one of the co-creators of Friends. It was a sitcom about these 8 people who were in 3rd grade together and meet up after a couple decades, and I guess get involved in each other's lives. I wonder if anyone heard that premise and thought, "I gotta see this fuckin show." CBS aired all 19 episodes.
- Close to Home -- This was apparently a crime drama about a woman criminal prosecutor who is married to a construction worker and has a baby daughter. It took place in Indiana, which makes me wonder if any crossovers were considered with Armed & Famous. This show ran for two 22-episode seasons, cancelled by CBS after it aired all 44 episodes.
- Rock Star -- This show also ran for 2 seasons. It was a reality competition where famous rock groups tried to find new lead singers, like the movie of the same name. The first season was for the group INXS, the second season was for the group Supernova, and the likelihood of a third season depends on CBS's determination to keep me from watching their network.
- Smith -- This was a show with Ray Liotta about professional thieves who also have personal lives. CBS cancelled it after airing only 3 of its 7 episodes, then put the rest on the Internet. Then they replaced it with 3 lbs. and did the same thing. Maybe they should start ordering new shows in 3-episode packages.
- Waterfront -- This was about the quirky mayor of Providence, Rhode Island, who, much like Close to Home and Smith, has to balance his work and personal life. The funny thing about this show is that CBS cancelled it after airing zero of its 5 episodes. The show never saw airwaves. Why did they shoot the episodes?!
3. I KINDA CARE
- The King of Queens -- This is a really funny show, and the last surviving sitcom to have premiered in the 90's. I don't really mind that it's over, because it ran for 9 seasons, which is great for any sitcom. Hopefully this means more Kevin James standup.
4. FUCK CBS
CBS didn't cancel any shows I really loved. This shows either great judgment, or a lack of great programming.
So that's it for CBS. The upfronts end tomorrow with FOX and the CW. Paragons both.
Cheers,
Diego
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
The Upfronts: ABC.
Yesterday was the upfront for NBC. They announced their new fall schedule, so I took a list of the NBC shows that weren't coming back, and I divided them into categories describing how I felt about their cancellation. CBS is tomorrow, FOX and the CW are Thursday, but ABC was today. So I will now list ABC's cancelled shows, divided into the same four categories as yesterday:
1. GOOD -- These are the shows I'm glad are gone, and would have pulled off the air myself if given the chance.
2. I DON'T CARE -- These are the shows I have absolutely no opinion of because I didn't watch them.
3. I KINDA CARE -- These are the shows I watched, but are not exactly a huge loss.
4. FUCK ABC -- These are the shows I loved, taken before their time.
1. GOOD
Nothing. I didn't hate any of the cancelled ABC shows.
2. I DON'T CARE
- According to Jim -- I used to watch this back in the day. I love Jim Belushi, and I remember it being a funny show, but I haven't seen it in years. It ran for 6 seasons though, which is not bad for a sitcom.
- Big Day -- Evidently, this was a sitcom about a wedding. I don't even remember the commercials for this thing. ABC aired 12 of the show's 13 episodes. How sad.
- Day Break -- I do remember the commercials for this. Taye Diggs relives the same day over and over, like Groundhog Day, except it's a drama where he has to solve a murder. ABC aired only 6 of the show's 13 episodes, then cancelled it and eventually showed the rest of the season online. Good for them.
- Extreme Makeover -- Apparently, this show was like Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, except people got plastic surgery instead of new homes. Who would watch this? It ran for like 4 seasons.
- The George Lopez Show -- I used to watch this around the same time I used to watch According to Jim, and I remembered it also being funny. But I recently tried to watch it again and it sucked, so I'm not too broken up over it. It also ran for 6 seasons, and it's going to Nick at Nite this fall, so everyone go buy a lot of tapes so you can record every episode. Thank you, Nick at Nite!
- The Great Dream American Vote -- It seems that this was a show where contestants would say what their dream was, and people would vote on the Internet for which one of them would get to have their dream come true. So what the fuck actually happened on the show? Not surprised to see this one get shitcanned. ABC cancelled it after airing only 2 episodes (out of, like, 3).
- Help Me Help You -- Ted Danson as a therapist who may have even more problems than his patients. Wow, good idea for a sitcom; I wonder where he got it. Oh, I know, his friend Kelsey Grammer did it as a spin-off of Cheers, which they were both in. What are you, copying other people's sitcoms now? I think the next Ted Danson show should be about a standup comedian and his three friends. Or perhaps Wings 2. ABC cancelled this after airing only 9 of the show's 13 episodes.
- In Case of Emergency -- Some kind of sitcom about old high school acquaintances. ABC aired 12 of the show's 13 episodes. Hey, just like you, Big Day.
- The Nine -- A serial drama about a group of strangers brought together during a bank robbery, with flashbacks and connections between the people. Just like Lost, except nobody cares. ABC aired only 7 of the show's 13 episodes. Have you noticed networks never finish anything they start?
- Six Degrees -- This one was about these six people living in New York, and how their lives intersected in all these different ways. Just like The Nine. How weird is it that stealing from Lost doesn't automatically guarantee you an audience? It worked for Heroes. ABC aired only 8 of the show's 12 episodes, but then put the rest online. For all the hardcore Six Degrees fans.
- What About Brian -- I guess this was a show about some guy played by the guy from 7th Heaven. It had a 5-episode first season, then a 19-episode second season, and then ABC cancelled it. And that's the pulse-pounding story of What About Brian.
3. I KINDA CARE
- Show Me the Money -- I liked this one. It was kind of a convoluted mutant amalgam of lots of other different game shows, and it completely lacked any kind of unifying theme, which may have, in part, contributed to its mindless charm. It also had hot chicks (who danced) and was hosted by William Shatner (who also danced). So it was always fun to watch. ABC aired like 5 of its 7 episodes.
4. FUCK ABC
- The Knights of Prosperity -- I wasn't drop-dead teenage girl puberty in love with this show, but of all the shows that premiered in 2006, this was probably the funniest, and it most definitely did not deserve to get yanked like this. Of course, ABC's plans for the show are still unclear, but that in itself is an insult. To date, ABC aired only 9 of the show's 13 episodes. I guess the one thing every network loves to do is throw money away.
Wow. That was a lot of inconsequential ABC shows. I don't really feel like talking about the new shows they announced. This is a time of mourning. Maybe at the end of the week, I will write about the new shows that sound interesting. Tomorrow, I discuss CBS. Today, ABC stands for Another Bunch of Crap.
Cheers,
Diego
1. GOOD -- These are the shows I'm glad are gone, and would have pulled off the air myself if given the chance.
2. I DON'T CARE -- These are the shows I have absolutely no opinion of because I didn't watch them.
3. I KINDA CARE -- These are the shows I watched, but are not exactly a huge loss.
4. FUCK ABC -- These are the shows I loved, taken before their time.
1. GOOD
Nothing. I didn't hate any of the cancelled ABC shows.
2. I DON'T CARE
- According to Jim -- I used to watch this back in the day. I love Jim Belushi, and I remember it being a funny show, but I haven't seen it in years. It ran for 6 seasons though, which is not bad for a sitcom.
- Big Day -- Evidently, this was a sitcom about a wedding. I don't even remember the commercials for this thing. ABC aired 12 of the show's 13 episodes. How sad.
- Day Break -- I do remember the commercials for this. Taye Diggs relives the same day over and over, like Groundhog Day, except it's a drama where he has to solve a murder. ABC aired only 6 of the show's 13 episodes, then cancelled it and eventually showed the rest of the season online. Good for them.
- Extreme Makeover -- Apparently, this show was like Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, except people got plastic surgery instead of new homes. Who would watch this? It ran for like 4 seasons.
- The George Lopez Show -- I used to watch this around the same time I used to watch According to Jim, and I remembered it also being funny. But I recently tried to watch it again and it sucked, so I'm not too broken up over it. It also ran for 6 seasons, and it's going to Nick at Nite this fall, so everyone go buy a lot of tapes so you can record every episode. Thank you, Nick at Nite!
- The Great Dream American Vote -- It seems that this was a show where contestants would say what their dream was, and people would vote on the Internet for which one of them would get to have their dream come true. So what the fuck actually happened on the show? Not surprised to see this one get shitcanned. ABC cancelled it after airing only 2 episodes (out of, like, 3).
- Help Me Help You -- Ted Danson as a therapist who may have even more problems than his patients. Wow, good idea for a sitcom; I wonder where he got it. Oh, I know, his friend Kelsey Grammer did it as a spin-off of Cheers, which they were both in. What are you, copying other people's sitcoms now? I think the next Ted Danson show should be about a standup comedian and his three friends. Or perhaps Wings 2. ABC cancelled this after airing only 9 of the show's 13 episodes.
- In Case of Emergency -- Some kind of sitcom about old high school acquaintances. ABC aired 12 of the show's 13 episodes. Hey, just like you, Big Day.
- The Nine -- A serial drama about a group of strangers brought together during a bank robbery, with flashbacks and connections between the people. Just like Lost, except nobody cares. ABC aired only 7 of the show's 13 episodes. Have you noticed networks never finish anything they start?
- Six Degrees -- This one was about these six people living in New York, and how their lives intersected in all these different ways. Just like The Nine. How weird is it that stealing from Lost doesn't automatically guarantee you an audience? It worked for Heroes. ABC aired only 8 of the show's 12 episodes, but then put the rest online. For all the hardcore Six Degrees fans.
- What About Brian -- I guess this was a show about some guy played by the guy from 7th Heaven. It had a 5-episode first season, then a 19-episode second season, and then ABC cancelled it. And that's the pulse-pounding story of What About Brian.
3. I KINDA CARE
- Show Me the Money -- I liked this one. It was kind of a convoluted mutant amalgam of lots of other different game shows, and it completely lacked any kind of unifying theme, which may have, in part, contributed to its mindless charm. It also had hot chicks (who danced) and was hosted by William Shatner (who also danced). So it was always fun to watch. ABC aired like 5 of its 7 episodes.
4. FUCK ABC
- The Knights of Prosperity -- I wasn't drop-dead teenage girl puberty in love with this show, but of all the shows that premiered in 2006, this was probably the funniest, and it most definitely did not deserve to get yanked like this. Of course, ABC's plans for the show are still unclear, but that in itself is an insult. To date, ABC aired only 9 of the show's 13 episodes. I guess the one thing every network loves to do is throw money away.
Wow. That was a lot of inconsequential ABC shows. I don't really feel like talking about the new shows they announced. This is a time of mourning. Maybe at the end of the week, I will write about the new shows that sound interesting. Tomorrow, I discuss CBS. Today, ABC stands for Another Bunch of Crap.
Cheers,
Diego
Monday, May 14, 2007
The Upfronts: NBC.
It's the third week of May again, which means it's time for the major TV network upfronts. An upfront is when the network executives meet with the press and potential advertisers and show off their new fall lineup. NBC went today, ABC will go tomorrow, CBS will go Wednesday, and FOX and the CW will go Thursday. I have in front of me a list of the shows reportedly cancelled by NBC. These shows will not be coming back. So I thought I would present them here in a list of four categories:
1. GOOD -- These are the shows I'm glad are gone, and would have pulled off the air myself if given the chance.
2. I DON'T CARE -- These are the shows I have absolutely no opinion of because I didn't watch them.
3. I KINDA CARE -- These are the shows I watched, but are not exactly a huge loss.
4. FUCK NBC -- These are the shows I loved, taken before their time.
1. GOOD
- Twenty Good Years -- This was a traditional sitcom starring John Lithgow and Jeffrey Tambor as two old guys who want to make the most of their lives. Unfortunately, it suffered from a combination of terrible writing and annoying canned laughter. This was one of the most tragic wastes of comedic talent in recent history, and I'm thankful it's over. NBC aired only 4 of the 13 episodes, showing surprisingly remarkable aptitude.
- Grease: You're the One That I Want -- This was an American Idol-type show where male and female contestants performed competitively in order to win the roles of Danny and Sandy (respectively) in a Grease Broadway revival. I started out watching it, because I love Grease, but it started to feel like too much of a shallow Idol ripoff. And it was making me sick of the Grease songs I love, so I cut it loose. By the way, why does every Idol ripoff have to have its own catty British asshole judge? They had one in this, American Inventor (ABC), and America's Got Talent (NBC). And none of them are as great as Simon Cowell, even though he's a producer on both those last ones. Too bad they both got renewed.
- The Real Wedding Crashers -- If there's anything worse than a cheap reality prank show, it's a cheap reality prank show trying to capitalize off someone else's creative success. I didn't watch this, but I resented it for existing, especially in what was once Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip's time slot. You can't tell me more people would want to watch this garbage than Studio 60. And I am NOT a reality snob. I love reality. I just don't like shit. NBC cancelled this after three episodes, but they are thinking of airing a few more later in the year. Great.
2. I DON'T CARE
- The Black Donnellys -- This was the first thing that took Studio 60's Monday night spot after Studio 60 was prematurely pulled for low ratings, and this show's ratings turned out to be even worse. I didn't watch it, I don't know what it's about, and I don't care to. NBC only aired 7 of the show's 13 episodes, but the rest are available online.
- Crossing Jordan -- Apparently this was a crime drama about a medical examiner that ran for 6 seasons. It was created by Tim Kring, who has moved on to his new show, Heroes. I like to watch Heroes, although it has yet to show me anything besides ripoffs of Lost and classic comic books. They say Tim Kring doesn't read comics, but then, all his writers sure do. I have no opinion of Crossing Jordan.
- Kidnapped -- This was apparently a show that would feature a core cast of kidnapping investigators, and each season would bring in a new cast of people involved in the specific season-long kidnapping investigation. NBC only aired 5 of the show's 13 episodes, but they put the rest online, and I think it's even out on DVD as we speak.
- Law & Order: Criminal Intent -- This Law & Order spinoff ran for 6 seasons on NBC, but it's not really getting cancelled; it's just moving to USA. I don't even care because it's the only Law & Order I don't watch. I'm a regular viewer of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit because it's the best one of all the Law & Orders. I also watch the original Law & Order, but only because I like the girl detective in it. I don't really pay attention to the show itself.
3. I KINDA CARE
- Andy Barker, PI -- This was a single-camera detective sitcom co-created by Conan O'Brien, starring Andy Richter and Tony Hale. I regularly watched it, and it was pretty good, but I wasn't really in love with it. Richter can't seem to catch a break. NBC aired 4 of its 6 episodes, then pulled it from its regular Thursday night time slot and burned off the remaining 2 episodes the following Saturday.
- Identity -- This was a game show hosted by Penn Jillette where contestants were given a list of twelve identities, and they had to match each identity to one of a dozen strangers standing on the stage in front of them. This show was fun because I would watch it with my brother and we would play along with the contestants. NBC aired 5 trial episodes last winter, and 7 more this spring. It's not scheduled for the fall, although I just read somewhere else that it also may not necessarily have been officially cancelled. So maybe we will get more.
- Raines -- This was a crime drama created by Graham Yost, starring Jeff Goldblum as a Los Angeles police detective who talks to imaginary manifestations of the victims in the crimes he's investigating. The pilot episode was interesting enough, and the rest of the episodes were okay. It seemed like they were trying to make Raines into a House-like character (a brilliant but anti-social hero). But the show was never in any danger of being THAT good. NBC aired all 7 episodes.
- Thank God You're Here -- This was an improv comedy show where four celebrities have to comedically bluff their way through a scene with no prior knowledge of the scene's premise. Kind of a Whose Line ripoff, but forgiveable. The improv nature of this show made it fun to watch, but there would always be one or two participants who weren't that great with the improv (as opposed to Whose Line's generally consistent improv all-star lineup). And it always bugged me that host David Alan Grier had gray hair in the pilot and black hair in all subsequent episodes. Networks really do treat us like morons. NBC aired all 7 episodes.
4. FUCK NBC
- Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip -- This is very painful for me. When I was in high school, I became a fan of Aaron Sorkin's Sports Night, a single-camera sitcom behind the scenes of a fictional sports news show. But I only became aware of it through reruns on Comedy Central, after ABC had cancelled it. Which made it something of a bittersweet joy. So back then, when I heard that Aaron Sorkin wanted to make a similar show, but have it be behind the scenes of a Saturday Night Live-esque sketch comedy show, I just about flipped my lid, because I love SNL, so this would essentially be a combination of two things I loved. And finally, years later, when NBC announced that it was happening as a one-hour drama on their 2006 fall schedule, I was as jazzed as humanly possible. I had been waiting since before the turn of the goddamn century. And when the show actually premiered, I really really loved it. From the first episode, it was instantly one of my favorites. But the whole season was plagued by poisonous chatter about its supposedly low ratings. NBC decided to temporarily pull the show from its Monday night slot in February, after airing 17 of its 22 episodes, but then got antsy and actually pulled it one week early, after airing only 16 of its 22 episodes. The remaining 6 are scheduled to take over the ER Thursday night slot at the end of May, when sweeps is over and all the other shows have aired their finales. As far as I know, there has been no official cancellation announcement, but let's just say the sets have been dismantled. So, that's nice. Fuck NBC. I hope it dies.
- Treasure Hunters -- This is like old news. NBC had a show on last summer that was kinda like The Amazing Race (which I don't watch), except it followed groups of three as they deciphered clues related to American history in order to find a treasure. I LOVED this show. It was one of my favorite reality shows. It combined colorful characters with puzzles that were interesting and challenging, and they threw in some good ol' fashioned American history to boot. I'm not entirely sure why NBC didn't bring it back this summer, but I guess if I knew the reason, I probably wouldn't like it.
NBC also announced a handful of new shows, but I don't give a fuck about any of them. With the remotely possible exception of a midseason Britcom remake, they all sound retarded. And one of them is a remake of the Bionic Woman. Today, NBC stands for Nothing But Crap.
Cheers,
Diego
1. GOOD -- These are the shows I'm glad are gone, and would have pulled off the air myself if given the chance.
2. I DON'T CARE -- These are the shows I have absolutely no opinion of because I didn't watch them.
3. I KINDA CARE -- These are the shows I watched, but are not exactly a huge loss.
4. FUCK NBC -- These are the shows I loved, taken before their time.
1. GOOD
- Twenty Good Years -- This was a traditional sitcom starring John Lithgow and Jeffrey Tambor as two old guys who want to make the most of their lives. Unfortunately, it suffered from a combination of terrible writing and annoying canned laughter. This was one of the most tragic wastes of comedic talent in recent history, and I'm thankful it's over. NBC aired only 4 of the 13 episodes, showing surprisingly remarkable aptitude.
- Grease: You're the One That I Want -- This was an American Idol-type show where male and female contestants performed competitively in order to win the roles of Danny and Sandy (respectively) in a Grease Broadway revival. I started out watching it, because I love Grease, but it started to feel like too much of a shallow Idol ripoff. And it was making me sick of the Grease songs I love, so I cut it loose. By the way, why does every Idol ripoff have to have its own catty British asshole judge? They had one in this, American Inventor (ABC), and America's Got Talent (NBC). And none of them are as great as Simon Cowell, even though he's a producer on both those last ones. Too bad they both got renewed.
- The Real Wedding Crashers -- If there's anything worse than a cheap reality prank show, it's a cheap reality prank show trying to capitalize off someone else's creative success. I didn't watch this, but I resented it for existing, especially in what was once Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip's time slot. You can't tell me more people would want to watch this garbage than Studio 60. And I am NOT a reality snob. I love reality. I just don't like shit. NBC cancelled this after three episodes, but they are thinking of airing a few more later in the year. Great.
2. I DON'T CARE
- The Black Donnellys -- This was the first thing that took Studio 60's Monday night spot after Studio 60 was prematurely pulled for low ratings, and this show's ratings turned out to be even worse. I didn't watch it, I don't know what it's about, and I don't care to. NBC only aired 7 of the show's 13 episodes, but the rest are available online.
- Crossing Jordan -- Apparently this was a crime drama about a medical examiner that ran for 6 seasons. It was created by Tim Kring, who has moved on to his new show, Heroes. I like to watch Heroes, although it has yet to show me anything besides ripoffs of Lost and classic comic books. They say Tim Kring doesn't read comics, but then, all his writers sure do. I have no opinion of Crossing Jordan.
- Kidnapped -- This was apparently a show that would feature a core cast of kidnapping investigators, and each season would bring in a new cast of people involved in the specific season-long kidnapping investigation. NBC only aired 5 of the show's 13 episodes, but they put the rest online, and I think it's even out on DVD as we speak.
- Law & Order: Criminal Intent -- This Law & Order spinoff ran for 6 seasons on NBC, but it's not really getting cancelled; it's just moving to USA. I don't even care because it's the only Law & Order I don't watch. I'm a regular viewer of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit because it's the best one of all the Law & Orders. I also watch the original Law & Order, but only because I like the girl detective in it. I don't really pay attention to the show itself.
3. I KINDA CARE
- Andy Barker, PI -- This was a single-camera detective sitcom co-created by Conan O'Brien, starring Andy Richter and Tony Hale. I regularly watched it, and it was pretty good, but I wasn't really in love with it. Richter can't seem to catch a break. NBC aired 4 of its 6 episodes, then pulled it from its regular Thursday night time slot and burned off the remaining 2 episodes the following Saturday.
- Identity -- This was a game show hosted by Penn Jillette where contestants were given a list of twelve identities, and they had to match each identity to one of a dozen strangers standing on the stage in front of them. This show was fun because I would watch it with my brother and we would play along with the contestants. NBC aired 5 trial episodes last winter, and 7 more this spring. It's not scheduled for the fall, although I just read somewhere else that it also may not necessarily have been officially cancelled. So maybe we will get more.
- Raines -- This was a crime drama created by Graham Yost, starring Jeff Goldblum as a Los Angeles police detective who talks to imaginary manifestations of the victims in the crimes he's investigating. The pilot episode was interesting enough, and the rest of the episodes were okay. It seemed like they were trying to make Raines into a House-like character (a brilliant but anti-social hero). But the show was never in any danger of being THAT good. NBC aired all 7 episodes.
- Thank God You're Here -- This was an improv comedy show where four celebrities have to comedically bluff their way through a scene with no prior knowledge of the scene's premise. Kind of a Whose Line ripoff, but forgiveable. The improv nature of this show made it fun to watch, but there would always be one or two participants who weren't that great with the improv (as opposed to Whose Line's generally consistent improv all-star lineup). And it always bugged me that host David Alan Grier had gray hair in the pilot and black hair in all subsequent episodes. Networks really do treat us like morons. NBC aired all 7 episodes.
4. FUCK NBC
- Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip -- This is very painful for me. When I was in high school, I became a fan of Aaron Sorkin's Sports Night, a single-camera sitcom behind the scenes of a fictional sports news show. But I only became aware of it through reruns on Comedy Central, after ABC had cancelled it. Which made it something of a bittersweet joy. So back then, when I heard that Aaron Sorkin wanted to make a similar show, but have it be behind the scenes of a Saturday Night Live-esque sketch comedy show, I just about flipped my lid, because I love SNL, so this would essentially be a combination of two things I loved. And finally, years later, when NBC announced that it was happening as a one-hour drama on their 2006 fall schedule, I was as jazzed as humanly possible. I had been waiting since before the turn of the goddamn century. And when the show actually premiered, I really really loved it. From the first episode, it was instantly one of my favorites. But the whole season was plagued by poisonous chatter about its supposedly low ratings. NBC decided to temporarily pull the show from its Monday night slot in February, after airing 17 of its 22 episodes, but then got antsy and actually pulled it one week early, after airing only 16 of its 22 episodes. The remaining 6 are scheduled to take over the ER Thursday night slot at the end of May, when sweeps is over and all the other shows have aired their finales. As far as I know, there has been no official cancellation announcement, but let's just say the sets have been dismantled. So, that's nice. Fuck NBC. I hope it dies.
- Treasure Hunters -- This is like old news. NBC had a show on last summer that was kinda like The Amazing Race (which I don't watch), except it followed groups of three as they deciphered clues related to American history in order to find a treasure. I LOVED this show. It was one of my favorite reality shows. It combined colorful characters with puzzles that were interesting and challenging, and they threw in some good ol' fashioned American history to boot. I'm not entirely sure why NBC didn't bring it back this summer, but I guess if I knew the reason, I probably wouldn't like it.
NBC also announced a handful of new shows, but I don't give a fuck about any of them. With the remotely possible exception of a midseason Britcom remake, they all sound retarded. And one of them is a remake of the Bionic Woman. Today, NBC stands for Nothing But Crap.
Cheers,
Diego
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
