Tuesday, May 15, 2007

The Upfronts: ABC.

Yesterday was the upfront for NBC. They announced their new fall schedule, so I took a list of the NBC shows that weren't coming back, and I divided them into categories describing how I felt about their cancellation. CBS is tomorrow, FOX and the CW are Thursday, but ABC was today. So I will now list ABC's cancelled shows, divided into the same four categories as yesterday:

1. GOOD -- These are the shows I'm glad are gone, and would have pulled off the air myself if given the chance.
2. I DON'T CARE -- These are the shows I have absolutely no opinion of because I didn't watch them.
3. I KINDA CARE -- These are the shows I watched, but are not exactly a huge loss.
4. FUCK ABC -- These are the shows I loved, taken before their time.

Nothing. I didn't hate any of the cancelled ABC shows.

- According to Jim -- I used to watch this back in the day. I love Jim Belushi, and I remember it being a funny show, but I haven't seen it in years. It ran for 6 seasons though, which is not bad for a sitcom.
- Big Day -- Evidently, this was a sitcom about a wedding. I don't even remember the commercials for this thing. ABC aired 12 of the show's 13 episodes. How sad.
- Day Break -- I do remember the commercials for this. Taye Diggs relives the same day over and over, like Groundhog Day, except it's a drama where he has to solve a murder. ABC aired only 6 of the show's 13 episodes, then cancelled it and eventually showed the rest of the season online. Good for them.
- Extreme Makeover -- Apparently, this show was like Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, except people got plastic surgery instead of new homes. Who would watch this? It ran for like 4 seasons.
- The George Lopez Show -- I used to watch this around the same time I used to watch According to Jim, and I remembered it also being funny. But I recently tried to watch it again and it sucked, so I'm not too broken up over it. It also ran for 6 seasons, and it's going to Nick at Nite this fall, so everyone go buy a lot of tapes so you can record every episode. Thank you, Nick at Nite!
- The Great Dream American Vote -- It seems that this was a show where contestants would say what their dream was, and people would vote on the Internet for which one of them would get to have their dream come true. So what the fuck actually happened on the show? Not surprised to see this one get shitcanned. ABC cancelled it after airing only 2 episodes (out of, like, 3).
- Help Me Help You -- Ted Danson as a therapist who may have even more problems than his patients. Wow, good idea for a sitcom; I wonder where he got it. Oh, I know, his friend Kelsey Grammer did it as a spin-off of Cheers, which they were both in. What are you, copying other people's sitcoms now? I think the next Ted Danson show should be about a standup comedian and his three friends. Or perhaps Wings 2. ABC cancelled this after airing only 9 of the show's 13 episodes.
- In Case of Emergency -- Some kind of sitcom about old high school acquaintances. ABC aired 12 of the show's 13 episodes. Hey, just like you, Big Day.
- The Nine -- A serial drama about a group of strangers brought together during a bank robbery, with flashbacks and connections between the people. Just like Lost, except nobody cares. ABC aired only 7 of the show's 13 episodes. Have you noticed networks never finish anything they start?
- Six Degrees -- This one was about these six people living in New York, and how their lives intersected in all these different ways. Just like The Nine. How weird is it that stealing from Lost doesn't automatically guarantee you an audience? It worked for Heroes. ABC aired only 8 of the show's 12 episodes, but then put the rest online. For all the hardcore Six Degrees fans.
- What About Brian -- I guess this was a show about some guy played by the guy from 7th Heaven. It had a 5-episode first season, then a 19-episode second season, and then ABC cancelled it. And that's the pulse-pounding story of What About Brian.

- Show Me the Money -- I liked this one. It was kind of a convoluted mutant amalgam of lots of other different game shows, and it completely lacked any kind of unifying theme, which may have, in part, contributed to its mindless charm. It also had hot chicks (who danced) and was hosted by William Shatner (who also danced). So it was always fun to watch. ABC aired like 5 of its 7 episodes.

- The Knights of Prosperity -- I wasn't drop-dead teenage girl puberty in love with this show, but of all the shows that premiered in 2006, this was probably the funniest, and it most definitely did not deserve to get yanked like this. Of course, ABC's plans for the show are still unclear, but that in itself is an insult. To date, ABC aired only 9 of the show's 13 episodes. I guess the one thing every network loves to do is throw money away.

Wow. That was a lot of inconsequential ABC shows. I don't really feel like talking about the new shows they announced. This is a time of mourning. Maybe at the end of the week, I will write about the new shows that sound interesting. Tomorrow, I discuss CBS. Today, ABC stands for Another Bunch of Crap.


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