Yesterday, I was hiking at Runyon Canyon and I saw two celebrities. I normally don't anotate my celebrity sightings because they happen so often in LA. But these were special because I was by myself, and usually, every celebrity I see is pointed out to me by someone else because I'm always too busy looking at my feet. Anyway, while stopping at the point with the bench that looks out over all of LA, I noticed none other than Jenna Lewis (of Survivor: Borneo, Survivor: All Stars, and that blow job video) jogging by me. She was running kinda fast, but I'm pretty sure it was her, because as she ran past me, she gave me a blow job. The most agonizing part of this sighting is that I almost wore my Survivor shirt that day. I had pulled the Survivor shirt out of the closet, then thought, "No, I want Family Guy," and put it back. What the hell does Jenna Lewis care about a Family Guy shirt? I can now add this to my official list of Survivor sightings:
1. August 2, 2005 -- Johnny Fairplay (Survivor: Pearl Islands) at Saddle Ranch (CA).
2. May 13, 2006 -- Tina the lumberjack (Survivor: Exile Island) on 5th Avenue (NY).
3. April 11, 2007 -- Jenna Lewis (Survivor: Borneo, Survivor: All Stars, blow job video) at Runyon Canyon (CA).
My second sighting was of the guy who played Fausto in Nothing But Trouble. This guy is hilarious. He's been in a million things, so whoever you are, it is certain that he has already somehow touched your life. You may remember him as the guy in Angels in the Outfield who has to keep getting food for the kids, or the hairdresser on Seinfeld who has to use tomato sauce to get the B.O. out of Elaine's hair, or Alessandro... from Alessandro's on Friends when Monica is paid a visit by Alessandro... from Alessandro's after giving his restaurant a bad review. Further research shows that his name is Taylor Negron, but I'm more comfortable thinking of him as Fausto from Nothing But Trouble, considering that is his magnum opus.
I will also mention American Idol, because every week, the wrong person is going home. Before last night's elimination, I composed a list of who I wanted to leave, and in what order.
1. Sanjaya Malakar -- obviously, the worst singer.
2. Phil Stacey -- can't take him seriously.
3. Haley "Legs" Scarnato -- who is occasionally good, and often wears very little.
4. Chris Richardson/Jordin Sparks/LaKisha Jones -- all fine singers who I have no emotional attachment to.
5. Melinda Doolittle -- the best singer, but has an ancient song-choosing style that I can never identify with.
6. Blake Lewis -- all-around, my favorite remaining contestant.
Ryan Seacrest teased us with the possibility that Sanjaya might be in the Bottom 3, but it turned out to be Phil Stacey, Haley "Legs" Scarnato, and Chris Richardson. So at this point, I just want Phil to go. Last week, the Bottom 3 were Phil, Haley, and Gina, and the immediate reprieve was given to Phil, whom I don't like, and the loser was Gina, who was my favorite song chooser. So I was feeling pretty bad this week. But I regained some hope when the immediate reprieve was given to Chris, leaving Phil and Haley with their necks on the chopping block. Sadly, tonight's feast consisted of Haley. Which was understandable, I suppose, considering she completely massacred Gloria Estefan's "Turn the Beat Around" the night before. However, when she performed the song again last night, she was one million times better. She was more relaxed, she walked and danced all through the audience, and she didn't let the fast-paced lyrics trip her up. It was a great performance! Where was the disaster we saw not 24 hours ago? She must not do well under pressure. Sucks for her. But sucks even more for America. Next week Sanjaya gets to do a country song.
Writers' Indignity #4826
3 hours ago