I've been recently trying to do the hiking thing at this little hiking mountain they got over here called Runyon Canyon Park. But every time I go, I risk my body more and more harm, because my shoes are 2-year-old Nike Shox that don't grip the ground very well, so I'm constantly slipping on steep crags of rock at over 1300 feet. So I decided I should get me some hiking shoes. I went to Sports Authority and tried out some hiking boots, and they all fit okay, but the problem there is that stores don't offer you a way to test out shoes on a diagonal rock surface. They should do that, because I don't care how these shoes feel when I'm walking on level manmade floors. I care how they feel when my ankles are twisting in all kinds of unimaginable angles and the fate of my entire life is resting solely on the piece of rubber strapped to my feet. But these boots were all exactly the same. My brother had refused to come with me, so I was calling him and asking him to pick a pair based on how reliable the manufacturer name sounded (he refused me here, too). Then I looked at every other shoe they had and I noticed that there was a category of Nike shoe called the Trail Running Shoe. This sounded good, because I also wanted to be able to jog in these shoes. So I went home and checked that out, and on the Nike website, I found a relatively cheap pair called the Air Assail IV. It featured Nike Air cushioning, ideal for downhill descents, and "a full-length sticky rubber outsole that provides traction on a variety of different surfaces." It came in four color options:
1. Black Graphite/Black/Natural Grey/Varsity Maize
2. Army Olive/Black/Mineral Yellow
3. Black/Metallic Silver/Black
4. Midnight Navy/Sonic Yellow/Black/Neutral Grey
Clearly, #3 was the coolest option. However, #3 was the only pair that wasn't marked down in price. #'s 1, 2, and 4 were all marked down to $49.99, while #3 was the full price of $75. Assholes! I didn't think twice about eliminating that pair first. I'd wear pink shoes if I got a good enough price. And #1 was too girlie with the baby blue disguised as "natural grey," so that pair was out too. I was between #'s 2 and 4. #2 had "army olive" and "mineral yellow" with a black swoosh. This would give me a more earthy foot tone that I needn't be afraid to get dirty. Whereas #4 had "midnight navy" and "black" with a sonic yellow swoosh. This was more of a swanky shoe color that wouldn't mix as well with dirt. But that didn't stop them from trying to get that tough-sounding "midnight navy" in there to compete with the "army olive." The colors are all gender-biased. The female version of this shoe features a pink called "tango" to make them sound more romantic. How is "tango" in any way pink?
Anyway, I thought the blue ones would fit my style well enough if I could get some red on 'em, so I ordered those and then went to another website and ordered some red shoelaces to replace those white ones. And by the way, I think it's insane that neither Nike.com nor any other shoe-ordering website offers a comprehensive catalogue of different shoelaces. Have they really missed out on this market? They must have thousands of those shits laying around the shoe factory! Sell those too, idiots!
My shoes came yesterday. Take a gander:
When I went back to the shoe website just now, they were all back up to $75, so looks like my purchase was serendipitously timed. Now if I kill myself, it won't be because of slippery shoes. Check out those treads!